Getting Closer

I've packed my bag! 

Its just a "practice pack" to see how everything fits and determine if I need to add or subtract things, but I think it was a successful practice pack in that a) everything fit nicely, b) I pared down some stuff while I was at it and c) I remembered a few things to add to my kit.

One such item was Benedryl since I do have that pesky Halibut allergy and refuse to find out if it's actually epipen-worthy. An epipen would make me one of those weird allergic people who I secretly think are just weak. So I will arm myself with Benedryl so that I can eat unidentified fish with at least a scrap of confidence. (I've just given my Mom heart palpitations. Sorry, Mom!) 

While packing, my emotions were all over the place. I'm very excited. That emotion was pretty constant. But under it, there was a fair smattering of dread, knowing that Jai gets back tomorrow and I'll have to coexist on the same continent with him for at least 2 days before I leave. These thoughts invariably lead me to thinking of coming back from this trip when I shall have to deal with this issue full-time and without the glittery distraction of solo travel in Southeast Asia. 

As I continued to pack, I found this particular subject to be so overwhelming that I tearfully stopped what I was doing and sat and talked out loud to God, confessing that I didn't have the strength to handle this, or even the focus or presence of mind to remember that I could (and should!) rely on His strength to see me through.  Erg. 

This is a main theme in my prayer-life, visited and revisited, characterized by shades of need and hope. But at the end of the day, I do believe that God is bigger than my troubles, that he has good things planned for me and that I can believe him when he says he works all things together for the good of those that love him. Even in the midst of heartbreak, when I don't see how it's possible, I ought to be looking forward eagerly, fully expecting good from even this.

Part of this trip sprang from my desire to experience God in a new, deeper way. I'm going to work for two weeks at a daycare in Cambodia where they serve kids from the slums on the outskirts of town. The people running the daycare try to meet their physical needs and encourage them to grow on the inside. They feed them, they teach them to read and they tell them as much as they care and provide for them, Jesus loves them and cares for them more.  

In my world, so filthy-stinking-rich with relationships, possessions and opportunities, its hard to wrap my head around the difference it makes to know that someone out there loves you and promises never to stop. If your mother has to sell her body for money and your father is dead of AIDS or TB, if you sleep in a house made of trash and you are just one of thousands of kids in the same situation, experiencing this love might be the only constant, good thing you've got going for you.

So I have the opportunity to be an ambassador of this love which keeps hope alive. 

It would be easier (or at least cooler to talk about) if I just hostel-hopped for three weeks, hoping to meet interesting, adventurous traveling friends in foreign cities and on new beaches, but coming home from that trip would leave me right where I started...practically strangling on hurt and fear while furiously trying to stifle this illogical, contrary, misplaced love.

So in light of all that I have, in light of all that God's done in bringing me through this hard stretch and because I so seldom live out what I believe, on this trip I'll take the bible literally when it says "whoever is kind to the needy honors God." (Proverbs 14:31b)

SUCCESS!

"WEB DELIGHT Q4" IS MINE!

It wasn't the poor Bangkokians' error, oh no. It was my bank (communists.)

Even after I called to tell them I'd be abroad.

Even after they assured me I was clear to spend away in Bhat, Riel and Dong (Dong!)

It'll take more than shoddy interdepartmental bank communication to keep me down!

And now, I get to fly with these ladies! I mean, have you ever seen jazzier uniforms?

Web Delight Fare (unless your name is Sarah Strull)

Well, I'm afraid I'm experiencing the first of many challenging* exchanges between eastern and western commerce.

ERROR

Result We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience. Reject: Refer to Card Issuer Sorry this transaction cannot be completed Please try again

I'm trying to book a ticket on Bangkok Air from Bangkok to Phnom Penh. Sounds simple, right? Well, I'm failing miserably. (See above.)

The message actually comes with a lovely graphic of a girl in a silk robe, hands pressed humbly together, smiling demurely as if to personally communicate her sadness that my payment couldn't be processed, but I'm also stymied on how to make her appear in this window.

Oh I've tried. But my capacity for repetitive failure is only so accommodating.

So lets get back to the initial failure!

Per the now-familiar (failure) message, I've "refered to card issuer" who ensures me I should be ready to go on this transaction. Thanks, Banker-Guy-Eric!

I've called the Bangkok Air US Representative phone number (which takes me directly to a call center in India, hello India!) and spoken with "Charles" who doesn't see the problem but has taken my phone number and will call me if he thinks of anything. Thanks Charles!

I've gone to the Bangkok Air web site, looked up FAQs, clicked on "help" and re-tried paying for my booking. I've tried 4 times now. Yes FOUR.

I've also canceled my booking and started the process all over again...

And have recieved my second confirmation number (no Charles, it's T-as-in-Tom, not P-as-in-Polly...) and have met with the silk-robe girl and her regrettable message once again.

So now I will give up, at least for the time being. Perhaps my card is just dallying in a small stubborn streak or my work computer somehow knows I'm not doing work and is sabotaging me?

One thing I won't do is pay $60 more to book through Orbitz. They do, of course, navigate these infuriating waters on my behalf, but SIXTY DOLLARS? You've got to be kidding me.

Besides, this is like acclimatization for the trip. Yes. I welcome financial misunderstandings and complications of all types. There's no avoiding them, so I shall embrace them! Well, no, that's too generous. I won't embrace them, but I seriously won't give in and pay more to let the American Company spoon feed me.

This ain't no spoon-fed adventure!

*This is not the word I want to use, but since this is a blog for everyone, I'll exercise some restraint (a lot of restraint, actually.) But I will give you all license to use your imaginations. Dig deep. Yes, there it is. That's how I feel.

Because I Told Amber I Would

Somebody got a card-reader on clearance at Target last night! This $12 treasure ensures that my blog will now have the photos I swore it would while planning my superiority over the Julie-Julia blog (see post #2).

Well. Having written that, I realize I have no clue how to add photos. Nope, now I've got it.

What I ought to do is go back and add photos to relevant posts (perhaps I still will,) but for now, I'm just going to barf pictures onto this post, since that's the surest way to follow through on the promises I've made.

Photo 1: The labor of love that was painting my tiny house (using colors that looked so different on the paint chip than on my wall it made me cry the first night but now I've embraced.)

Photo 2: the color of my kitchen still makes me cry. Lets call this the "before" shot. I have the new color in my car, picked it up last night, and relish posting the non-Tiffany-blue pictures in the near future.

Picture 3: Recent purchases that signal an eminent departure to another country!

(They're hard to see, aren't they? From left to right: small journal, tiny camera tripod - we'll see how handy that is or isn't- power adapter for Asia and the aforementioned card reader.)

Picture 4: my new rash-guard! I've never owned one before, but now that I've got plans to snorkel for days, until I'm completely prune-y and water-logged, I purchased one. This purchase falls into the"gear-nerd" category. I'm weak.

I obviously haven't mastered rotating pictures.

That's all for today. Next up (aside from work and life) will be booking my ticket from Bangkok to Phnom Pen. An internal flight on a small Asian airline...I can't wait!

Finally

At last, a day where I plan my trip! 

Today is Monday and I'm at home, on the couch and pajama clad. No, I'm not slacking. I worked this weekend, so am taking a day off while all you other poor saps slave. Yes, let's not mention the Saturday and Sunday that said saps spent relaxing while I ran around like a headless chicken. No, let's focus on the fact that today is Monday and I still have bed-hair at noon. 

With season 7 of the Gilmore Girls as background chatter, I've been flipping through my Lonely Planet books - one called Southeast Asia on a Shoestring and the other Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and the Greater Mekong - marking things with sticky notes, adding alarmingly spelled street names to a scratch sheet of paper (Th Narathiwat Ratchanakharin - huh?)

I'm also getting increasingly excited/anxious about this trip. Excitement to anxiety ratio is still in check, though, with excitement in the lead.

Even with excitement as the frontrunner, I keep thinking maybe I should've embarked on my first solo adventure in a single country rather than a region? Maybe I should've chosen a place where they use an alphabet of letters that is at least familiar? Maybe maybe maybe...

But then, no, I don't regret my choice - I think I'll just have to make sure my expectations include some tear-streaked moments where I'm completely lost, unbearably sweaty and mad mad mad about all the things things that conspired to bring me to that point. I'm sure they'll reach as far back as the breakup that initiated the whole thing, but I am already trying to cultivate that "get to" spirit, rather than the "have to" one that dogs me in tough spots. 

I'll practice now. I get to set out on an epic adventure and go and do what I please, when I please. I get to buy outrageously cheap designer crap from street vendors and get to test an unknown ability to digest mystery meat. I get to see if I can truly travel light (my goal is one backpack, not fully stuffed, carry-on sized,) and enjoy the simplicity of two tshirts, three tank tops, a skit, a pair of shorts, 2 bikinis and one dress for three weeks. Most importantly, I get to find out my limits - bravery, compassion, determination, understanding and will finally get to tell the kinds of stories I've envied for so long. 

Well, back to the books for me. I'm not accumulating stuff as quickly as I thought, but I do have all my travel sized toiletries in a ziplock baggie, a lock for hostel storage and a pile of summer-y clothes to sort through and pare (way) down. On the "to acquire" list is a travel sheet for less than spotless sleeping arrangements (I have Mexico to thank for that lesson) and a power adapter so I can keep my camera charged. 

This is fun. I can't believe I get to do this!

Blogs are for People Who Have Time

Yes, now I see the downfall of setting up a blog and telling people to follow it. I actually have to sit and write things on a semi-regular basis. Crap.

At first I was all about the blog. I thought of clever titles for various posts. I imagined putting up sweet photos. Utilizing special fonts. Relishing comments from loved ones. I even sat through Julie & Julia thinking "my blog will be way better than her blog."

One important difference between me and Julie: she had no life. Nothing but a piddly job and a perfectly loving, supportive, handsome husband and cat. No obligations to do anything aside from get to her cubicle and then go home again. Hello? Do people like this exist? Who doesn't have 700 things to do all the time. People in movies. That's who.

Its just that right now it feels like Me vs. The Blog.

What will win out? My crazy, busy, disorganized nature or the call to document detail, emotion, decisions, mistakes, thoughts and the general mayhem that I suspect will ensue on this hair-brained journey?

And now I shall attempt to justify my slow-to-blogness:

• My boss is out of town and I'm both him and myself at work (insert giddy, unhinged laugher.)
• I started painting my house last weekend and only just finished last night. Hello furniture in all the wrong rooms and nary a clear space to lay my laptop!
• We're running a program I've been planning for months this weekend AND hosting a Board Meeting at the same time. Because of bullet #1, I'll be representing my department to the billionaire business moguls who grace us with their presence once quarterly ("our 2009 financials show the following..." PUKE.)
• I've been trying to be a committed runner with my friend Emily. We hit the treadmills every couple of days...only for 30 minutes, but it takes more than an hour of travel (round-trip) to access said treadmills and this accounts for many formerly-free evening hours.
• I'm trying to stop being a self-involved ass of a girl and have vowed to stay in touch better with the people I love, priority one going to family. Talking to these people is great, but we have a lot to say and this also takes time. Hello, when am I supposed to watch TV?

Well hello shame, I didn't think I'd run into you here. "Look at me, I have friends and am getting in shape and have a job I love that keeps me hopping, a huge hilarious trip on the horizon and I love my family and friends. Life is soooo hard."

Needless to say, that was more revelation that I was aiming for when I started this post. Yick. I wonder if that'll happen a lot.

Well, for better or worse, I've got another post for this bad boy. Next post will be completely free of introspection, self-pity or reflection, I promise!

And here we are

So this is the blogosphere. Neat.

I'm writing this blog as a snapshot of an interesting time in my life. I loved someone who hurt me and it just so happened that I had been saving money to visit his far-away home, so now I am spending that money on a long awaited ADVENTURE.

And I'm going on this adventure alone.

I thought about waiting until I could talk a friend into going with me, but that logic there is the reason I have so few stamps in my passport. So wind, meet caution! (Throwing motion.)

And here's where we start: yesterday I purchased a ticket for less than $1,000, including traveler's insurance (yeah medivac coverage!) from JFK to Bangkok and will be gone from Feb 4 - Feb 23. I've got plans to volunteer at a "day care" (read: alternative to scavenging at the dump) in Phnom Pen for about 10 days and the rest is up in the air.

Tomorrow I think I'll write about the things preceding the purchase of said ticket and also about the things I'm (not) doing to prepare for the adventure. Hint: haven't read more than the intro in my Lonely Planet books. Yet.